Love sucks when there is no trust.

I have had a pretty rough love life since the beginning of this year and I thought that all of this would come to an end when I accidentally met Pol, a cute slim tanned Thai guy of pretty much the same age.

As almost every couple, we had a great "promotion" period in our first phase of romance but here came the moment of disillusion when the perfect guy seem to be not so perfect at all. The only exception in my case is that this was revealed just a little bit too early than I would have wanted.

Suddenly I found myself in a situation in which I had to answer to every tiny bit of his interrogation on my daily routines which also include my workout at the gym, my hanging out with friends or colleagues or even my weekly swimming practice.

I am OK with answering doubtful questions with truth. However, I am so not OK with answer all of them every day as if this was supposed to be one of my daily obligation. Actually answering any excessive amount of questions is so not endearing and finally it wears you out.

Things turned out that when I decided to let out my feeling, I was seen as someone who tried to shield himself by reflecting these interrogative arrows elsewhere so he could avoid revealing the unspeakable truth (which, of course, is always "speakable"). I wish I could express my feeling verbally better than in writing so that he could grasp the idea I tried to convey and learned to trust me once and for all.

Sometimes I just can't get the idea of how people can always say that they are deeply in love with one another while, in practice, they just keep their eyes on every move the other part makes.

Can we just stop destabilising the foundation of love and start building trust by putting more faith on our loved ones?

Present

Okay, I promised you the one last chapter about my Egyptian Odyssey four months ago! Obviously I'm that sort of guys who keep their word seriously, heheh. Sorry for that! Well, before putting an end to the unforgettable experience in the Promised Land, I'd love to share a tiny bit of time to mention about my 26th birthday.

Now I have officially reached the first milestone of what I call "Life as a serious adult". Lots of things to think and worry about; the unseen future that is to come, the unretrievable past that was fully lived and the challenging present that never stops flowing.

I have just realized that I am a conventional, traditional, under-control kind of devoting white collars. My financial and career plans keep bouncing in my head non-stop lately. So much so that sometimes it crossed my mind that I couldn't let go. Why so? I really don't know.

Probably spending too much time in the professional rat race has magically teleported me into this egocentric world I used to hate. I was so focused on my goals that once I slipped or erred a bit, I became overstressed, which affected my physically and socially as well.

A day before my birthday I had an unexpected lunch with a bunch of old friends which sadfully reminded me of how far off I was from their circle. I could hardly catch up on what they were talking and had to put myself up-to-date immediately. Then it occured to me that I had rarely gone with friends and they just started to get too bored to ask me out.

That will be different from now. As a birthday present to myself, I will reward me with a little less time in the rat race and spend more of it hanging out. That's what life is all about after all; enjoy it while you can, but moderately, of course.

This year I have got nice birthday presents and chocolate cakes from my beloved family, friends and colleagues. I appreciated the friendship that an ex-enemy of mine in the office sincerely offered me. That was a good sign. At least, I learned to let go some aspects of the pessimism I used to firmly grab hold of.

Another excellent present I got arrived in the form of an email. It was not a message that wished me the best nor the colourful e-card. It was just a plan three-lined message:-

happy birthday
sorry for everything
Sender

An apology is one of the greatest blessing you can ever receive on your birthday. Especially if it comes from someone who you appreciate, no matter how badly hurt you are.

That wasn't my first reaction at first. Actually, it was the contrary; I was furious. I was enraged of receiving a message that reminded me of the painful past. But one of my best friends, Now, enlightened me with such an insightful perspective; why don't you take it as a good sign for your birthday? It's a heart-warming feeling to realize that to him/her you mean something, that he/she cares for your feeling and wants to apologize.

So, another birthday present to myself is learn to let go. I haven't successfully done it but I promise that I will try my best and that some day in the future I will forget and forgive.

All I need now is time because, the will, I have just got it already.

Chronicles of Mod: My Truths about Egypt (5)

9. How many deaths caused by car accidents are there each year?

The way they turn ordinary trips by car into cranky heart-stopping rollercoaster rides and, even more unbelievably, the fact that pedestrians DARE to cross these streets of madness (successfully!) stimulate my curiosity gland to pour out questions like "Why, during my whole stay, have I never seen any accidental injuries or deaths?!?!?". Did I miss something?

10. Thailand is still unknown!

It's a heartbreaking fact but let's face it, my fellow countrymen. No matter how hard we promote our heavenly islands full of fine white sandy beaches where breezy afternoon endlessly casts a sedating charm on those who seek peaceful hideaways from the outside world, we hardly succeed in giving knowledge of our existance to the world! (Yep! not only Egyptians nor Spaniards!)

Most conversations (80%) went like this:

Local: Hello, my friends, where are you from?
Guest: Thailand. (*Let it be known that it was clearly pronounced).
Local: Japan? Oh! I love Japan!
Guest: No! Thailand!
Local: Ah!!! Taiwan. Nii Hao!
Guest (Fuming): THAILAND.
Local: Ah!!! Thailand...Do you want to buy some souvenirs???

11. Though still in winter, the late-morning sun was blazingly hot and burnt my skin more than in Bangkok. So, be prepared!

12. I didn't see any Egyptian sparrows though.

I wonder where they could be? Will Egypt be one of those few countries where sparrows hardly survive? Not likely, I think. Pigeons, on the other hand, are everywhere, competing in numbers with flies.

13. My haggling skill was reduced down to zero here.

I'm sure my mom would have done way better and would have saved me more than 40% of what I had spent (Sigh...)

14. I had friends everywhere.

You too can have "local friends" practically everywhere in Egypt (especially in commercial areas).

Some of my favourite quotes are the following:

- "Since you are my friend, I will give you a special price."
- "You are a very good friend, you will get cheap price."
- "Hello my friend! Souvenirs/boat ride/hotel/taxi?"

_________________________________________

All of these are the most impressive aspects I found out about this charming ancient country. Actually there are more tales to tell but I prefer to save them for later occasions :)

I hope my anecdotes haven't bored you and be of some use to you should you decide to hop on board to Egypt. My feeling expressed here may seem like I'm annoyed by these aspects, but let it be VERY clear that I cherish this unforgettable experience in this lovely, colourful and, most importantly, different country. So, no matter how much I talk about pros and cons of this place, Egypt will still be one of my greatest favourite destination of all time.

Next chapter I will tell you about my fortunate encounter with some interesting persons.

Chronicles of Mod: My Truths about Egypt (4)

4. Most Egyptian men are not my type.

No offense! Egyptian men in general have big bone structure, tanned skin, prominent facial traits and very masculine look. They have literally everthing I could ask for (really!) but, well, I just didn't feel any magnetic pull (except some few muscular teenage dudes, heheh).

5. Egyptian men in dark/black suit are sooo attractive.

Now you know what I am actually into. I dedicate two full points describing Egyptian men! Well, the title is already self-explanatory. This point popped up in my mind when I was people-watching at Midan Tahrir and fell in love so many countless times with well-groomed businessmen passing by.

6. Fashion in Egypt is monotonously sombre.

Egypt is understandably a conservative country in which appropriate attires, in accordance with the religion, are to be expected most of the time. Some tiny slips from traditional fashion style might cause undesirable results (e.g. stares, critical glances from public). So to play it safely, I assume, most people avoid conflicting the mishap on themselves by follow the long practised trend; white, black and grey. There are exception amongst the fashion-conscious new generation though.

This is only my assumption based on what I observed in the city and public transportation. It is possible that there are other plausible reasons for this.

7. If you are lost, try asking those who look as alien as you are for directions.

You will soon find a way to get to your desired destination. Well, tourists roaming the streets of Cairo are supposed to have, at minimum, 50% of their survival instinct active, up and running. That's why you can assume that they, at least, know as much as or, very possibly, more than you do. If they don't, they can still give you some other irrelevant hints and clues (Sorry I don't know where it is BUT don't miss the belly-dancing show at blah blah blah 'cuz I've been there and it was awesome!)

Asking locals sometimes risks getting 1) strange, doubtful stares 2) scared smiles 3) incomprehensible explanation in inglees 4) WRONG direction 5) RIGHT explanation but WRONG direction 5) misleading information by which you will end up in a souvenir shop 6) RIGHT explanation and direction that rarely come with baksheesh (tip) 7) RIGHT everything if you are lucky enough.

8. Flies are all over the place.

There were visually less pestering flies in Egypt than in Thailand but I don't know why they were far more persistent and bothersome. Once these creatures locked you as a target, they will keep haunting you endlessly. They are far from being a tourist nightmare but still truly annoying.

Chronicles of Mod: My Truths about Egypt (3)

Giza Train Station, Cairo
March 15, 2009 (Sunday)
Early evening


I'm leaving Cairo this evening for Luxor on an overpriced (and overrated) sleeping train (but I've got a seat ticket!).

Two full days spent in this hectic Egyptian capital are never enough to get to know even a tiny bit of it, let alone to describe all of its unbelievable but sadly true characteristics. I'll just comment some of my biggest impressions here in a nutshell (For something similar, see Chronicles of Mod: Eleven Truth I Found out about Norway).

1. Cairo traffic system and driving etiquettes are irrepairably dreadful.

Everything that finds itself in the streets of Cairo automatically falls into the endlessly frenzied traffic circus. Compared to this city, crossing streets in Bangkok is blissfully easier. Most Bangkokians are natural at crossing streets thanks to our innate instinct, but right here in this country, our skills are no use since the real professional road-crossers are the Egyptians!

Horn-honking is inevitable when driving. Drivers don't have to justify their cause, they feel free to do so when ... they feel like to! I suppose this is also something innate, everytime I took a careful look at drivers, I saw one of their hands readily placed at the horn, ready to press at all time. Red Alert! The result? They all ended up distributing their share of noises in the already deafening streets from ... ehhh ... dawn till midnight.

If you are looking for some real, exciting urban adventure, go to Cairo and ... cross the streets!

2. Foreign tourists are rarely seen on the streets as opposed to other so-called touristic countries.

I spent half an hour today sitting at Midan Tahrir (Square) observing all the rush-hour street craziness and, surprisingly, found only a small number of European-looking tourists passing by. The rest was Egyptian locals walking or running here and there, living their normal lives and doing their normal routines (BTW, the moment was magical, the city centre seemed so alive and cheerful, I LOVE that).

As a Thai-Chinese, I consider myself superficially unfit in this social context in terms of physical appearance. So I ignored all the Lonely-Planet-type advices of trying not to be obvious as a tourist. Some say not to wear/use things that may scream "tourist!" such as camera or other gadgets. I, on the contrary, had my Nikon D90 around my neck 70 % of the time. The result? I was (unproudly) in the limelight all the time amongst local people who were staring at me constantly. I could eventually turn the initial uneasiness boiling inside into a blissful ignorance and went on. It was a bit harder than in Spain. But at least here you don't have to worry much about being mugged though, it's practically safe even if everybody knows you are a tourist (correct me if I am mistaken).

3. Look out for touts!

In touristic areas where hygiene, technology and modern facilities are within near reach, there still roams a plague of annoying and persistent touts who try to sell you every thing from toothpicks to warships (well, this idiom is literally translated from what we frequently say in Thai).

They will all approach you as friendly conversation starters and end up trying to lure you to a souvenir shop, hotel or restaurant. My firt impression was that ... wow! I was spoiled and pampered! I loved that! But then ... after getting into such conversation for the 6th time, I started to see the light and, well, I couldn't deny that I was fed up, if not to say HATE.

On the bright side, only few rarely got angry or agressive when rejected. Most of them took my negative responses very well and let me go (but had I ever be back around there again, they would repeat the same lines like a video tape!).

Not that all locals do that for financial purpose. I met a kind young girl in her teenage in a bus to downtown on my first day. I was evidently alien to the place and couldn't stop fidgeting and poking my head around. The girl, disturbed by my unneccessary uneasiness, asked me where my destination was and if she could be of any help (it turned out that she had to got out before me and, obviously, couldn't show me where exactly is my stop). She DID have that look of a concerned person wanting to lend a hand on someone in need, I was truly impressed.

I was also (VERY) frequently approached by small kids (practically EVERYWHERE, hehe). They all did the same thing; first looking at me, then attempting to come by while pretending to do something else irrelevant, and if our eyes met, which is most of the time, they would, with brightest smiles ever, ask "What's your name?", "Where are you from?", "Are you Chinese/Japanese?", "How old are you?", "I speak English!", "My name is ... and you?", etc.

At Saladin Citadel, I was asked by a small boy to spell "Enormous", "Comfortable" and some other words for him. He said it was part of his homework. Lucky him that he bumped into me for the task since English pronunciation is always one of my greatest forte ever (heheh). I do hope that he got 10 out of 10 for that homework.

I initially believed that, apart from curiosity or eagerness to learn English, those kids were probably told by their parents to do so in order to practice and make use of it in their future career as touts as they grow up (Yep, call me a pesimist and I won't deny it). However, I was introduced a different point of view (The kid just did it out of pure curiosity) when, very fortunately, I had a chance to have a very long and culturally interesting chat with an intellectual Egyptian university student late in my trip.

Chronicles of Mod: My Truths about Egypt (2)

Upon sunrise, my flight touched the ground. Amongst the whispering relief of worried passengers, I took my few belongings and got out of the plane, only to find out that it was surprisingly...COLD! The only light jacket I brought with me was in the luggage so I had to make do with what I currently wore; a thin blue T-shirt suitable for humind summer in Bangkok.

The cold weather was just, as I found out later, a surprising consequence of my ignorance and lack of information and, to make matter worse, it was nothing when compared to a series of surprises waiting for me as I stepped out of the airport till the end of my trip.

From bargaining, buying bottled water, avoiding taxi touts, getting on a bus to downtown and finding the hostel I had previously booked, everything required an immense effort and a great sense of survival. I couldn't depend on, of course, the language and even less so on signs (which were few). However, I was fortunate enough to occassionally bump into some kind inglees-speaking locals who were willing to help me.

It took me few hours to adapt myself to the chaotic characteristics of Cairo and, consequently, invoke my old skill of orientation and survival that had been left unused for a long, long, long time since my last solo trips in Europe.

My first travel companions were three japanese tourists, a pair of mother and twenty-something daughter and a cute nerdy-looking guy all of whom I met at the bus port. After asking several locals for the right bus to downtown (all of them gave different answers!), we finally got to the downtown area. The cute guy parted directly to the Egyptian Museum while I headed for my hostel, led by my own instinct and a Lonely Planet in my hand. The poor mother and daughter were left wandering around the place looking for some good, vacant and reasonably-priced hotels (Do they exist in Cairo? I wonder).

After freshing up and fixing myself some breakfast, I got out to explore the area and, to my surprise, I found the japanese mother and daughter again! They were still looking for hotels! That was unbelievable, I thought that all the japanese guidebooks were very informative and, supposedly, should help them get to their much-needed accomodation already. Probably I was too shy or more interested in the city (aka selfish), all I could help them was fending off the hotel tout who was bothering them and suggested that they take a look at my hostel, even though its condition left much to complain about. I didn't know if they followed my suggestion, but I hope they equally enjoyed the day just as I did (now, having said that, I feel less guilty, heheh).

As there are so many interesting (and of course, surprising) features in Egypt, I don't think I can list them all here (and that will surely bore you guys to death). So I decided to put my notes written during my spare time (e.g. waiting for trains, lounging at a terrace at night, etc.) in the next chapters to sum up all my impressions about this country. I do hope you find them interesting and worthwhile just as I do. :-)

Chronicles of Mod: My Truths about Egypt (1)

The beginning of my solo trip to Egypt began some time back last year. After giving it excessive amounts of pondering, reconsideration and hesitation, I finally got the courage to compromise myself to the trip by getting a roundtrip air ticket without having anything planned before hand. Luckily I was then spared almost 5 months to arrange all the necessary, even though by the time I left for the Promised Land, I hardly had time to finish some pending issues that urgently needed my attention. Such has always been the way I manage my trip as a backpacker but it has never failed me even once (Lucky me!).

After coming back from Spain, I never once set foot outside Thailand and, indeed, it was a pure torture. This trip, therefore, didn't only serve me just to unwind my poor work-ridden self from strenuous money-earning routines but, looking at another dimension, it did also took me back to the time when I was (more) energetic and eager to explore the world. That little curious and adventurous inner side of me, who had been growing bigger and bigger since my return to Mother Land, kept telling me it was time to forget, even for a short period of time, all the burdens I was bearing and flee to this very place of my childhood dream...Egypt.

The day of my departure I felt once more alive. With a mix of emotional sensations, I got nervous, stressed, worried, excited, pleased, glad and, most importantly, happy. I was happy to be able to again embark on another adventure. Then I was more so when thinking that the trip was different than any others, it was the trip that I had been yearning for since I was a little kid. Only this fact could made it all the way more exciting than anything. I couldn't help smiling (alone!) as I waited in queue for checking-in, passing the security post or boarding the plane.

Most tourists on the same flight would have ensured you that there was an ever-smiling mentally-challenged-like dude who seemed so pleased with everything around him, even with the flawed-quality services of Egypt Air.

Oficinista's Life Cycle

Today I've undeniably completed the full circle of an oficinista's life.

I woke up at nine, which was late than usual on my standard, and, without even bothering to clean myself, went straight to the sofa and began to watch a chinese epic series in DVD for six hours in a row and fell asleep for four hours and woke up again just to continue my digital fantasy adventure online in Ragnarok for two hours before returning to observe the constant conflicts between epic fighters in the series until...now.

Yep, my day was completely useless and wasteful but I was so glad to be able to do such things that would have been unimaginable for me two years ago.

Probably that was how growing up was all about.

All the work and the efforts that were required had drained me out like never before and, worse, left me with no time to enjoy what I used to. Such was the life cycle of the so-called urban oficinistas that I used to perceive when I was younger and professionally less experienced. I even told myself I wouldn't be doing things like that, never. But these days, I had been longing to just lie down on the sofa and have my brain got as less active as possible.

I am aware that this is unhealthy in the long run should I permit myself more of such routines but ... what a tempting thought! One side of me keeps telling I deserve it while the other one objects that I need to make more effort and find a way to take a more "positive" rest. Today I surrendered to the easiest choice but let's hope that it wouldn't happen again since I can't really cope up with the guilt I felt after having done so.

I have to get out of this cycle, not just to be different but also to feel "alive".

Venting out around here has proved an effectively resolutive approach and hopefully will keep me to go on in full energy for a while.

Until the chance of unwinding myself in the upcoming trip in Egypt comes, I will make more effort to stay "alive"!

Feliz Año Nuevo 2009.

Bueno, bueno, aquí estamos otra vez, al principio del nuevo división temporal que todos denominamos "año". La verdad es que para mí no es differente que cualquier otro día, pero por lo menos, nos sirve como un mojón en nuestra vida para que podamos ver lo lejos que hemos caminado y cuánto más nos falta por alcanzar nuestras metas.

El 2008 me ha dejado una multitud de experiencia inolvidable, que me ha hecho sentir más mayor y mentalmente preparado que nunca.

Me dio las oportunidades de aprender, adaptarme y prestar más tiempo a mis pensamientos y razonamiento. Aprendí a organizar distintos aspectos de mi vida que siempre me exigían mucho más de lo que tenía para ofrecer. Siempre lo había creído imposible, pero al enfrentarme con varias situaciones exigentes e inevitables, logré hacer posible lo imposible. Y, por supuesto, de todo esto, me siento muy orgulloso.

Aparte de lo mencionado, hay un tesoro inestimable que el año pasado me ha regalado. No sé cómo y cuándo sucedió, pero, de repente, cuando crucé el fin del 2008 hacia este año me sentí un gran impulso de compartir todo lo mejor a mi familia y todos mis mejores amigos a los que había tenido suerte de conocer.

No es que nunca había tenido esta impresión antes, pero esta vez es mucho más fuerte que nunca. Al darle muchas vueltas en la cabeza, llegué a la conclusión de que quizá haya sido por los obstáculos difíciles a los que nunca habría podido sobrepasar sin los apoyos de mis seres queridos.

Dejé de pensar intensa y solamente en mi mismo y empecé a mirar, con mucho cariño y amor, hacia mis alrededores, a todos mis acompañantes del camino, tanto los que se encuentran físicamente cerca de mí como los que están al otro lado del mundo, y desearles un año de salud, paz, felicidades, amor, alegría y todo lo mejor que les servirá para seguir adelante y afrontar a cualquier futuros obstáculos que están por venir.

Mis queridos amigos, solo quiero deciros que estaré aquí para vosotros cuando os sentáis agotados y vencidos. No sé si podré ser de un gran apoyo, pero sé que desde ahora ya me toca a mí reciprocrar, devolviéndoos los apoyos que he recibido porque, indudablemente, los merecéis.

Feliz Año Nuevo 2009.