Monday, October 22, 2007

Sand in my Shoes




Two weeks away it feels like the whole world should've changed
But I'm home now
And things still look the same
I think I'll leave it till tomorrow to unpack
Try to forget for one more night
That I'm back in my flat on the road
Where the cars never stop going through the night
To a life where I can't watch sunset
I don't have time
I don't have time
 
I've still got sand in my shoes
And I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on, forget you
But why would I want to
I know we said goodbye
Anything else would've been confused but I wanna see you again

Tomorrow's back to work and down to sanity
should run a bath and then clear up the mess I made before I left here
Try to remind myself that I was happy here
Before I knew that I could get on the plane and fly away
From the road where the cars never stop going through the night
To a life where I can't watch sunset
And take my time
Take up our time 

I wanna see you again
Two weeks away, all it takes to change and turn me around, I've fallen
I walked away and never said that I wanted to see again 

I wanna see you again
I wanna see you again

Te dedico esta canción a una parte de ti que aún está en Bali ;) Espero que hayas disfrutado el viaje y nos veamos pronto.

Love you heaps.

Dumbledore is GAY!

That was one of the best news ever in this entire year!

The fact was confirmed by JK Rowling herself in a promotional tour for her latest book of the megahit sagas Harry Potter.  Though it was just a fictional character, I felt great to know that she had planned to assign the attribute to such an important character.  Some gay activists said that it should have been more explicit, but come on, it was a children story and should it be THAT explicit?

All I care about is the fact that JK have tried hard to include every element in our world to enrich the perfection of the wizarding community, including homosexuality.  That movement was something.

Personally, the thought has never come across my mind at all.  It was, for me, a total surprise, probably because I wasn't the biggest fan of Harry Potter series.  This doesn't make her the best author of children books, but it has moved her up the rank to one of those prominent novelists in my list who try to project the reality of this world into their own world of fantasy, giving us the opportunity to learn and understand the complex reality from the simpler fiction.

I am still not a die-hard fan of hers, but at least she is now in one of my favourite and, more importantly, respected writers.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Out of the Closet

Recently I hardly have had any inspirations to jot down interesting events that happened to me.  Perhaps here in Bangkok my personal Muse can't perform her task very well since the surrounding is not very encouraging.  However, now alone in the middle of the night, with the cool german popjazz music as a backtrack, my inspiration has somehow find its way back home again.  And that leaves me to why I'm going to write about one of the most memorable, though not quite impressive, moment of my life.  It happened just a month ago; I extemporaneously told my parents that I was gay.

It was a spur-of-the-moment revelation of which I'm not going into detail.  Let's just say that my dad and I mounted quite a scene in the early morning one day.  He was illogical, irrational and stubborn while I was being furiously emotional.  There were lots of tension.  My mom was there too but she tried to blend into the surrounding while, of course, perceiving the approaching menace of my words.  Though passive she might seem, she was the one who reacted first when the truth was revealed with tears.  I blurted out that I was gay.  My dad collapsed into a chair, saying nothing.  She was the first one who accepted me as I was and my dad was the second to win the race.

I admit that originally it was intended to hurt their feelings.  Nevertheless, their reaction came out unexpected and that made me felt afterward tremendously guilty.  But I think until now I can live it down by making amend while they are also doing the same.

What really struck me was that I didn't feel any sudden relief as I had expected.  It was true that the lifetime burden was finally lifted but I wasn't immediately relieved by that fact.  Unlike the dramas I had seen, it was more a gradual process of adapting myself to another phase of reality in which we all have to take part.

As far as I know, that day marked the turning point of my perspective towards my family.  When I say family, I refer to all of us in our house.  I love my parents all the way more.  And I felt that I truly belonged to my family and wanted the best for them.  All these thoughts were unclear before that.

Despite the result that wasn't what I expected, I don't regret my action of that day.  Damages were somehow done but it was just a step further to reach a more united little family of mine.  

I took the bet and the dice turned out in my favour.  Apart from the basic characteristics of my conventional and weird family, my luck also helped me in this revelation.  I'm not saying that doing the same 
thing as I did will lead those still in the closet to a happy ending.  
But at least just try it.  We are just a little human 
being who can't bear the weight of this burden for all our life.

Take the courage to get rid of it and face the consequence.  Whatever the result will be, you are one step further than before.  And that's a good news, isn't it?