Así Empezó La Despedida

Hace unos días empecé a despedirme de Madrid. Salí de paseo para decir Adiós a las calles en que, durante tantos años, había pisado y pasado, a los sitios que tanto frecuentaba, acompañado y solo. Aún me quedan varios lugares donde dar la última visita, de eso no tengo prisa, que tengo un mes y medio para hacerlo.

Todo comenzó el domingo pasado. Salí emergiendo del metro Tirso de Molina, encontrando al mercado al aire libre en pleno día lleno de muchedumbre alegre. Caminaba a ritmo relajado hacia Sol y luego Sevilla para alcanzar al Retiro, donde había quedado con Por, una amiga tailandesa.

Disfrutaba ver cómo los turistas exploraban cada rinconcito del Madrid de los Austria con los ojos curiosos y cómo los madrileños gozaban del sol primaveral. Prestaba más atención a los detalles minuciosos que nunca antes había notado. Observaba la belleza arquitectónica de la parte más alta de unos edificios antiguos más importantes del centro, que tantas veces había pasado pero nunca tenía interés suficiente para detenerme a contemplarlos. Me fijaba más en la gente que se me cruzaba en la calle; cómo venía vestida, en qué hablaban, cómo sonreían, qué miraban, cómo aprovechaban el descanso dominical y qué le interesaba. En el Retiro me reuní con Por y juntos dimos un paseo muy largo pero ocioso por el parque, dando comentarios sobre temas propios y ajenos.

Las cosas que damos por bien conocidas no siempre lo son al verlas desde otros puntos de vista, desde otros ángulos. Aquella tarde me sentía tan extraño como en el primer día de mi estancia en esta ciudad. Era como si nunca hubiera estado en este metropolitano. Me parecía un lugar desconocido cuyos misterios aún se quedan por descubrir. Quizá fuera una sensación que solo una persona a la que le toca dejar el sitio que tanto tiempo ha vivido puede sentir. O quizá fuera simplemente una impresión (pre)nostálgica.

Fuera lo que fuese, a partir de aquel momento, empecé ya a echar mucho de menos de todo lo que me ofreció y ha ofrecido esta ciudad encantadora llamada Madrid.

New Year Solution

Here comes again the Thai New Year, Songkran Day. This time I welcome the feast with a big change in my life; I quit the job, prompting to leave Spain.

It's time to start anew, but this isn't at all my new year solution. It's pure coincidence.

I was supposed to leave the company on 30th, as stated in the voluntary redundancy letter I handed three days ago. However, the words I had with the company's lawyer the day before yesterday changed all that. She said "Since you're stressed and not very happy with your job, if the company tells you not to come to work tomorrow, do you think that's OK? This way the company is doing you a favor". I was caught off guard. Favor my ass. If I wanted leave at the instance, I wouldn't need that "favor" nor permission from the company, I could do it at that very minute. She then confirmed that it was just one of the measures the board might take. Until she, my boss and the board discussed about the issue, nothing was fixed yet.

The next day I went to the office to settle the wage payment. Most of my colleagues seemed surprised because nobody knew I was leaving. It then dawned to me that the board wanted to kick me out before the 30th to punish me for selfishly leaving the project, but my boss insisted that I stay. Well aware of that fact, I had to choose between continuing till the end of the month as my boss wanted or quitting on that day. Between a bit more extra money and pride, I chose the latter.

And it felt good! I left the office smiling and winning. I didn't need any revenge for what they would want to do with me. It was just to prove that I quit because wanted to, while they still needed me. They could sack as many workers without work contract as they would love to, like they had always done, but not me.

So what I'm going to do from now? More exercise, more swimming, more cooking, more fiestas, more travelling, enjoying the little time I've got a tope before starting a new chapter of my lifetime journey...in Bangkok.

P.S. The most sincere thanks from my heart to those who have always listened to and supported me through this hard time; mom and dad, my brother, Patto, P'Por, Now, Evans, Takeshi, Trixi, Fiat and many more. :-)

The Most Decisive Moment in my Life

Now is the most decisive moment in my life. Everything that happens from this moment on depends solely on the decision I'm going to make today. And it isn't an easy one.

Life in Spain and Hard Life in Bangkok, what will you choose?

After months of waiting and struggling, I've finally been authorised to apply for a Work and Temporary Residence Card. It hasn't been easy, since it took the company six full months to start the procedure, another four months for the Ministry of Labour. And now with the official permit for Work Visa in my hand, and a limited time period of one month, I must decide whether to go back and apply for the visa and come back here again, so as to continue my assignments and responsibilities in this company. All these efforts will be in vain if I choose to throw the chance away, just to return to normal chaotic life in Bangkok.

Two months ago, I was very determined to leave the job, but now, with the paper in hand, I'm not so sure. What if life in Bangkok wasn't what I'm expecting it to be? What if I didn't get the job that I'm applying for? What if things didn't come out as planned? What if being again with my Patto wasn't enough? Will I ever regret the path taken? Will I live in misery, overwhelmed by the mistake I've made? So many questions unanswered, and they never will be until I reach the decision.

I was told, today, by the boss that it wasn't fair for the company that, after all these bureaucracy and procedures the company had gone through FOR ME, I simply decided to go, leaving everything pending in the air and in mess. I didn't speak up, silence. I didn't dare, I suppose.

What dignified me the most was that the company did all the paper things FOR ME. Liars. Partly they did it for themselves. And they did it too late. They should have begun eight months ago, before summer, not after it. That was why I had to extend my Student Card by enrolling in a language school, which took me each month a good amount of my already reduced salary. It was the money I shouldn't have paid for had the work permit procedures been done earlier, but they lingered. Now tell me who was doing a favor for whom? If I hadn't stayed, parts of the project wouldn't have born fruit. They helped me to earn money? Forget about that, what I got paid was a misery because it was only media jornada.

But his comment makes it easier for me to reflect. Tomorrow I'll face what is about to come and justify my action. I'd love to live here and work for this company, but it just isn't me. I can't stomach what I'm doing daily. It's pure torture. The stress is eating me inside out and doesn't leave me in peace at night. I go to bed with headache, thinking of the next day and the tasks yet to be done; tasks I hate to do. Shall I sacrifice myself for the cause of the company? If not, will I be a prick? So be it.

Some other Thais might probably see me as a loser, the one who throws away the great opportunity of life. I used to compare myself to those who tried any means just to stay in Spain and I couldn't be at peace. Comparing oneself to the others will only deteriorate your state of mind. The solution? To hell what the others think of you. It's your choice, it's your chance.

Life in Bangkok may be hard. It's obviously not as beautiful as in Europe but my roots are there. At least I won't suffer from solitude nor loneliness because my family, my friends and Patto will always be there for me. And it took me two years and a half to realise how important they are to me, how their presence keeps me mentally alive and how much I love them.