Sunday, May 09, 2010

Reorganized!

OK, let me sum it up this way; I have just got a BIG wake up call and realized that I am desperately in need of getting control (again) over every aspect of my life. Some, even most, things are uncontrollable but at least I do hope to be able to have my well-thought plans laid out properly instead of keeping out blindfolded and pray.

My digital absence from this blog was a part of what my life has been about. It was all about time, schedules, duties, tasks, jobs, arrangements, just as everyone else has to busy him/herself with. However, I just notice that apart from the lack of time to spend on the blog to express my thoughts and emotions, it also, more dangerously, reflects my lack of inspirations.

When I first started the blog, my aim was to sharpen my language skills and the like. Then it became some kinds of hobbies and an occasional place of refuge and personal expression from the dynamic world of reality. It seemed like the blog grew up with me and then, suddenly, one day it just stopped when the reality gradually seeped into my own private world. Family, friends, love life, social life, materialism, capitalism, professionalism and so on took priorities in my life and somehow kicked asides my once-intense dreams of old days.

I kept saying that I would do this and that some day or when it was time to do so. I knew that the day wouldn't come easily if I kept on like this but I ignored the fact and continued lying to myself while feeling, as if carefree, deeply disturbed.

It was like, as Thai saying goes, a ball of mud accumulated on the little tail of a pig which grew bigger and bigger until it is too big a problem for the little pig to get it off himself. He wouldn't be able to do it nor anyone else would and he would have to live with the burden during the rest of his life unless he gets the courage to one day find any solutions to get rid of it for the sake of his well being.

I was that little pig but a little more fortunate. I got that BIG wake up call today.

Call it a reality check or whatever terms you may coin, but it is still one of the most important things in my life that really put me back in the right track.

Now that I have chosen to continue along the path I deem adequate in order to get to the goals I have just set, the rest is about how to get there, which will not be easy at all. There will be bumps on the roads or even some moments I want to give up, but at least when I have time to look back, I believe all this written courage would still bring me some smiles and remind me of what I am doing, what I want to do and where I want to get to and, most importantly, continue my efforts as initially planned.

I do hope to count on your support, in whatever forms in might be.

Wish me success!