What makes me smile...

What is making me smile right now are simply chilling and peaceful atmosphere in my partly-lit bedroom, Pink Martini's lighthearted songs and a little cozy working station corner that effortlessly make up a perfect combination of my own personal world. Oh, and there's also one more thing that makes me unable to stop smiling; the fact that I am going to start blogging again.

Just a few days ago, I received a notification from Blogspot letting me know that someone had left a message in one of my columns and so I, for the first time in many months, logged in to check it out. There was a note from an anonymous acquaintance (or a friend?) of mine encouraging me to keep on writing again. That was actually not the first nudge to reality that I have received, a similar form of encouragement was passed to me months (or years?) ago and, although I acknowledged it, I unfortunately never had much chance to continue.

This message led me to another starting point. In the metro, I started reading my own blogs initially written years ago and suddenly found myself unable to stop smiling. Damn, if it is not to say that I am a funny writer, I'd dare say that I so damn like what I have written!

All the past events came back to me like an unstopple flow of water that, blocked for so long, had finally managed to find its way to seep through those tiny cracks of memory and came fetching me these nostalgic sense of longing. I couldn't help noticing that this blog has actually grown up with me and has inevitably become one of the evidences of truths about my life, past, present and future.

Then something caught my attention. The blog was hardly attended to during 2009 and 2010 and then almost completely forgotten from then on until now. The last few columns I wrote about were all about those promises to keep on writing - not for anyone else but just for myself and the sake of this little kid called "A Glimpse of the World" to whom I had given a life by filling him with all my stories and thoughts. As much as I would have wanted to, circumstances were different and getting more difficult each day that I somehow lost my spirit on the way while trying my best to catch up with the frenetic daily working life.

Stresses took over and works replaced what I used to enjoy when I was younger. Fear of failure substituted the passion for success. Pressure mounted, I crumbled on the inside and this child was forgotten.

When I read these blogs again the other day, I remembered those feelings I had when writing them. I remembered how I could be completely absorbed into my own little world and enjoyed putting all my thoughts in words to let the world know what I liked, what I wanted and what I did. I remembered how precious these moments were when I would shut my door, lie down on my cozy bed and let my thoughts wonder aimlessly to find those tiny seeds of ideas which I could make into something greater, something worth mentioning and something thought-provoking or even something funny.

I miss those rewarding feelings. It's been a year or so that I haven't enjoyed this privilege that nothing else would be able to replace. Turning my eyes once again on this little page left alone to feed on nothing but the past stories that I have given him, I know that my spirit was not lost. It was just left here, together with the evidences of my life, waiting to be recovered once more so that we both can grown together, continue the journey and enjoy what we do best.

Now I just can't stop smiling again...